Entangled Emotions!

 

I stood close to him, as he possessed me with his savour, though not pleasing but tempting, his lips melted the sour taste of pains in my heart, just when I thought I had him, he left again…

I waited until I retired home…Standing close to my doorstep. I had realised I needed to tell him how I truly felt. Maybe this could bring back his true feelings, I once observed though through the narrowing bridge of his eyelids. This I pondered amidst my unguided thoughts.

Who would have thought my childhood friend has decided to remain just friends with me? While I die in silence feeling these huge thoughts of desire toward him. I ran back to the parking lot, close to where we sat talking…

In search of him, yet he was nowhere to be found. I sat there all by myself in thoughts, wondering whether my emotions were wrong. As I stood up to take my leave, I felt a touch on my shoulders, turning back was him holding my hands and turning my body to face him.

He kissed me and said, “behold my angel from my childhood, who would I desire again on earth if not you?”

As I closed my eyes to reciprocate his kiss, Atlas, it was a dream! I woke up and saw myself on my bed, I shouted in pains only to realize that my emotions have been entangled by the desires of wanting more from my bestie who in turn took me as just a friend…….

Moments of thoughts!

Moments to embrace!

Moments to desire!

Moments to accept, and the moments to neglect all that entangled emotions which drags me to an empty room full of my desiring trauma to have my bestie as my companion.

To have my bestie as my soul mate. To behold him in my heart’s mind.

To indulge in his beauty as though he is the naked wire that can catapult me to another level of  romance,

Oh! I desire him even more…

Oh! His care toward me is freezing my mind from thinking aright…

Whenever we  look at each other, we smile together,

We always create an atmosphere where we regenerate our feelings and rub minds, We always have memorable moments we’ve cherished together. A moment where two souls can become one.

He keeps no secret from me and so do I to him, We tell each other almost everything, but yet I kept my true feelings hidden from him, was that why he brought in another woman?

Oh! My spirit is unsettled! My mind is dancing in a different melody. A melody that I cannot explain, should I hide my feelings from him? Should I remain like this in deep torments desiring his love?

Should I just tell him?

“Yes, I love you”! More than He can ever imagine? Should I tell him my feelings are not mutual but affectionate? Should I drag him down with my unexplainable thoughts of having him to myself alone?

My bestie!

My friend!

My childhood hero!

He fought all my bullies,

He gave me his lunch pack and even bought more chocolates, adding to the ones he has already brought,  his voice is always the first thing I hear each morning  when I wake up, he never stops to check up on me,

From cradle till date…

We grew up together as besties

Why are my feelings changing?

Is it because he introduced his fiancéé to me?

Could this be jealousy?

Could this be Love or

Could this be fear of Losing my bestie to another woman?

Why all these feelings?

Why all this rage?

Should I be happy for him?

Or should I just tell him how I truly feel?

What if my feelings are wrong?

What if my emotions are entangled by the fact that he is taken?

By Ejiroghene Akpomedaye